Thursday, 2 April 2009

The Worst Songs In The World

Today I thought I'd take a new approach to writing. Since I can't think of any amazing tracks I should share with you, I'm travelling to the other end of the spectrum. So today, I am going to post the three worst (respectable) songs I own. Prepare yourself.

I want to make something clear, I could post some underground hardcore that would bleed your ears, but I am avoiding the hard stuff. Today's criteria is that it's by semi-respectable artists, and it will not kill small children. These tracks are....annoying. I'm not sure how to explain it...but don't come crying to me "OH MAN I HAVE MUCH WORSE APHEX TWIN TRAXXXX" because I will kill you. Keep in mind that I don't keep a lot of music in my library, so these songs must have some type of significance.

Surprised? You should be. Over the 3 posts I have written about JSRF soundtrack, you know that it is one my all-time favorite soundtracks ever made. Unfortunately, one song from this album is so bad, it is going to kick off this horrific list.

Cibo Matto, which literally means "Crazy Food" in Italian, is a Japanese-American female duo from NYC. Around since 1994, their songs mainly deal with cooking, and this track is no exception. Many critics claim that Cibo Matto is famous for their creativity, but I personally believes that's more bullshit than a Jackson Pollack painting.

So what's wrong with this track? It will not make you deaf, but it will scratch away at your ears until you die from blood-loss. Honestly, there is nothing good about this track except the hippy background synth, which isn't even good. The lyrics are awful, and the voice effects literally hurt. Listen for yourself...

Cibo Matto - Birthday Cake [right click to download]

Our next track is a 2003 tune from French (GASP...well Belgian) artist Electronicat.

Mostly a rock collaborator, Electronicat also has a background in making noise, literally, and shitty attempts at club music. This song is no exception. The intro alone will make you want to off yourself. Like some previous tracks, this is off of an Electrorock collabortation album, which has about 3 listenable songs on it.

Although mildly popular and with some good experience in the music world, this song is inescapably horrible.

Electronicat - Frisco Bay [right click to download]

Our last track is probably from the worst album I've ever heard in my entire life. You should be scared. Thanks to Tyler for sending me this.

For those of you who do not know about Deperissement Progressif, they are a (failed) attempt at making some avant-garde electronic music. I don't care what you say, my kids will not be listening to this shit under my watch.

I am a huge Oizo fan, but this collab with Ark and Virtual General is painfully bad. Each of the 4 tracks is terrible, and I got a headache the first time I attempted to listen to this all the way through. I would say more about this 2000 album, but I am going to vomit. You can check out the whole album for yourself here.

Deperissement Progressif - Panic Patrol Blues [right click to download]

I hope you passionately hate these tracks as much as I do. I am sorry if I offended anyone in my review, but it's just my honest opinion.
Prez Jordan


Mr. Brown said...

Managed to listen to all of them without feeling the urge to turn them of, I must be used to alot

Tyler said...

Haha great post! :P When I found that album I got all excited I thought I had found some hidden Oizo gem. Not so much. I love Oizo as well but damn that is just awful

Joe said...

That Cibo Matto track sucks ass, but Jet Set Radio Future is the BEST GAME EVER!

Jesus, if you could find me the Hideki Naganuma song that loops in the Garage place, I would be SO DAMN HAPPY!

Boba Fettuccini said...

Ugh. Distortion = Good if Artist ={Justice, Boys Noize}

Champiness said...

I'll admit that La Guerre Aux Trousses is a terrible album, especially that track. But the album's closer, Peur De Chaise, is bearable. There are even moments where it sounds like it could've been off of Analog Worms Attack.

Anonymous said...

omg are you kidding birthday cake is cibo matto's best song! it's meant to be ear breaking... (if you've heard anything else by them, which you've implied that you have, then you'd know this) that's the beauty of it...

also you ragging on the lyrics is kind of pathetic, it's apparent english isn't their first language, c'mon man :\